Tuesday, July 23, 2013

My 2013 Wake-Boat Fashion Review

Generally I just like to spread stoke. If someone has a 'dumb' question or is asking about something like gloves I'll be friendly and try to point them in the right direction for their own needs; there's no such thing as a stupid question. Negativity never helps the situation, but sometimes I'll have some fun. 

The below is a (slightly) edited (to protect the innocent and mostly for formatting) excerpt from a post I made on the forums in response to someone asking how to spend about $50,000 on a wakeboard boat that he did not want to use for wakeboarding or surfing. His requirements, and I quote, "I'm more concerned with looks, sound, reliability, and looks". 

With that in mind, I decided to help him out a bit in making his purchasing decision. You'll first see me recommend the boat, then suggest some key choices when it comes to looks.

Remember this is all in good humor and tongue-in-cheek satire. I love this sport and (most of) the people in it. So if you see something familiar or that you're a fan of, don't take it to heart. Hell, I dig the look of matte paint when used wisely and appreciate unique style if you can afford it; but I'd at least use the boat to ride if I could afford one at all. 


So here we go:


"X-Star is definitely the way to go if you're more in to image. Not to say it's not a great boat in its own right and awesome for wakeboarding but if you're going purely for image than X-Star is the way to go brah. 

Now for the wake-boat 2013 mid-season fashion report! 

As far as wraps go, skulls are definitely still the "in" thing as we move through the season. But if you want to be ahead of the game and prepared for next year, I really think that energy drink wraps are the way to go. With some room for a personal touch by selecting either Monster or Red Bull, you can really make your presence known on the water. The great thing is, they seem to always be a staple and will probably never go out of style, it's the 'little black dress' of boat wrap designs. In any case, barbed-wire, flame, and tribal designs are out and people will know you aren't legit, so stay far away from these dated patterns! 

Moving along to accessories and trim. Chrome is a major no-go! Get that early 2000's stuff out of here! The modern wake boat stylist utilizes matte colors for the tower, trailer, and trailer wheels; preferably black on black on black. Board racks are a MUST and should be packed full at all times. I suggest at least two racks on each side of the tower and a rough ratio of 3:2 wakeboards to wakesurfers. You might not ride them, but it's a necessary touch to get bitches turning heads. 


An often over-looked tower accessory is lighting. In my professional opinion, this is a HUGE miss and an easy way to really set your boat off and stand out in a crowd. While there are many options, a simple light bar set in the gap between the speakers and top of the tower is enough. Remember to never use it though, it just has to be big enough that people will notice it in the daylight.


The final fashion tip for the season is about sound, and it's a really handy trick. Make sure that whatever mad thumpin' system you get installed requires the addition of at least 20 batteries. Not only will it allow you to make sure people 3 miles away are listening to your fantastic taste in alt rock and pop-rap music but, and here's the great part, you won't have any need to EVER use the ballast system that comes in many high-end boats. Simply shift a battery or two and clean that wake up so everyone can look at it's beauty and admire it from afar."